remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
