If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
