well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
