My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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