What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
