My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
