all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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