it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
