you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
