Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
