Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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