I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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