waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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