I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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