My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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