anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
