I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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