Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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