Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I will die if light touches me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
