Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
