I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
