I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
