My hair reeks of homosexuality.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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