is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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