it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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