the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
