Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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