they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
