Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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