I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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