how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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