you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
