someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
