Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Less talking, more tequila
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
