Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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