Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He? As in you personified your dick?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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