we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
