whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
