so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize