Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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