I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize