my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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