i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
