My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
