Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
