Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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