i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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