Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
