That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
