all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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