i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
