So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I understand Curling. That high.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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