And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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