I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
