there's paper in my vomit.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize