i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
