I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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