it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
