Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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