The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
