We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
