she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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