you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
