I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
