i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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