my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
