I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
